Persistence

 Several times per day, Libby and I look at each other and say, “We are so lucky.”   We say it because it’s true.   We are happy.   We are healthy.  We have a loving family, and not many worries.  But the word luck implies random chance.  So, is luck the right word?  Listen on.

We grew up in the 50s and early 60s.  It was a happy time.   Year after year, life in the United States got better for almost everyone.    The phrase for that is Golden Age.  Yet in our lifetime, we have experienced grief, regret, insecurity, setbacks and threats just as everyone does.

So is life just a matter of dealing with the cards that fate deals us?   Some people are dealt a Golden hand during youth, others later in life, still others never.  I say it is not just the hand you are dealt, but how you play the game.

When I discussed this speech with Libby, I said “We make our own luck.”   Libby said, “No. It means taking responsibility for your own happiness.”   Libby is pretty wise, so I thought about that.  In the end, I decided that they are just two ways to say the same thing.   Making your own luck is a consequence of taking responsibility for your own happiness.

I am not going to stand up here and say, “The secret to life is to make good choices, and avoid bad choices.”  That would be trite and preachy.   No.  Like everyone else, we made some good choices and some bad ones.  Our success depended on two additional things that we had to work on.

Number one.   You must want to be happy.   That sounds obvious but it’s not.   I’ve been through bouts of depression.  I can describe it as wanting to be unhappy.  I recall telling my therapist that the wall of depression was like a sanctuary that protected me from the world.  She immediately rebuked me saying, “It is not a sanctuary.  It is a trap.”  Some other people are not depressed but overly passive, accepting a mediocre word, a mediocre life saying, “It is what it is.”  No, I had to desire happiness, and to actively fight to achieve it.   It did not come free.

Number two is persistent determination. I found that after making a good choice, there can be a million obstacles to implementing that choice.  I can offer you one outstanding example.   When I retired in 2005, I decided that we would abandon our lifestyle, our home, and all our possessions, to acquire a cruising sailboat and to make that our new home and cruising our new lifestyle.   Libby supported me out of faith.  She did not have the vision that I did of how that would lead to happiness.

The obstacles were daunting.   We had to sell our house, and cars.  We had to find homes for our furnishings and possessions, and a new home for our dog.   Doctors, licenses, taxes, bank accounts, passports, vaccinations, coast guard certification.    We had to explain to grandchildren why they would no longer be able to go to grandma’s house.  We had to explain to friends why we were abandoning their suburban life in favor of becoming homeless nomads.  Then of course we had to find and buy the right boat.  My to-do list was as long as my arm.  I had to apply my project manager skills.

We completed that arm-long to-do list and moved on board our boat just 3 weeks after retirement.  It was intensely hard work.

So what was the result?   12 years later, as we decided to leave life on the boat to live on the hard (as sailors say), I heard Libby talking to family and friends. She said, “Those were the best years of my life.” That warmed my heart because I knew then that choosing happiness and forcing that choice to become reality was one of my biggest successes in life.